Tips for welcoming new baby brother or sister

We offer a great class for big siblings-to-be called Becoming Brothers and Sisters, where older siblings can practice holding a baby doll, diapering, swaddling, gentle touching, and much more. Unlike other classes offered in the community, our class is the only one that takes place at University of Michigan Hospital, so kids ages 2 years and up benefit from the fun classroom component, and also get a tour of the actual Labor & Delivery floor.

Lamaze Family Center Ann Arbor offers the following suggestions when making the transition of adding a new member to your family. For ease of writing, suggestions are written as though the baby is the second child and the older child is referred to as “he”. Remember to consider your particular family situation and the age of your older sibling(s) when considering and selecting from this list.

• Refer to baby as “our baby” as opposed to “the baby” or “Mommy’s baby” or the “new baby.”
• Let your child feel as much a part of the preparation for baby’s arrival as he wants. For example, he can assist in making birth announcements by drawing pictures or help choose baby’s homecoming outfit.
• Bring your child to a prenatal visit to listen to baby’s heartbeat.
• If possible, visit a home with an infant so he realizes his baby will not be an instant playmate.
• Talk to your child about the advantages and unpredictability of a baby of either sex so he won’t have his heart set on either.
• If possible, make any room changes at least six weeks before your due date. This is especially important if you are planning to use the same crib and furniture you are currently using for your older child.
• Before baby arrives, allow your older child to explore and play with the baby’s equipment, clothes, and toys.
• Make arrangements for his care during Mom’s hospital stay about 4 to 6 weeks before the baby’s birth. Discuss your plans with your child. It is thought to be best that he be cared for by a close relative or familiar babysitter in his own home. If arranged outside your home, consider having a trial overnight.
• Prepare him for the fact that you will be away from him while having the baby. Consider writing a special letter, making a tape of stories or leaving a picture or yourself for him to keep.
• At this time many children enjoy knowing they are more capable for caring for themselves. Before baby arrives, teach your child independent behavior that is age appropriate, i.e., playing by himself, dressing, etc. It is unrealistic to expect these behaviors to develop spontaneously once baby arrives.
• Have him pick out a gift for baby to welcome their arrival. Parents can give the older child a gift for becoming a new big brother or sister.
• Buy a doll he can care for just as Mom and Dad will care for the baby when baby is born.
• Purchase a few small, inexpensive gifts for him so when visitors bring the baby a present, he will have a gift, too.
• Prepare for baby’s homecoming. See if Mom’s arms can be free for hugging older siblings.
• Telephone calls between Mom and child are wonderful. Rehearse calls to familiarize your child with how Mom’s voice sounds on the phone.
• Have your child pass out something special (i.e., stickers) to friends announcing baby’s birth.
• Your older child can color pictures and cards to welcome Mom and baby home.
• Prepare a birthday cupcake or cake and have a party at a sibling visit. Discuss what "birth” day means.
• Tape your child’s picture or a drawing made by him in baby’s bassinet. This helps him recognize “his” baby when he comes to visit.
• Encourage your older child to smile and talk to baby, especially when baby is fussy. Let him know you are aware baby is responding.
• Permit him to hold baby with supervision. Show how and where to touch baby.
• Delay introducing any new developmental tasks (i.e., school, toileting) when baby first arrives. It is also normal at this time for children to balk at established routines.
• Continue to reminisce with your older child about his babyhood. Support and reinforce the advantages of being more grown up. Remember there will still be times when he will want to be held and cuddled like a baby. Have reasonable expectations of your child’s behavior.
• Expect some jealousy and regression. Try to ignore regressive behavior. Help your child learn constructive outlets for aggressive behavior. Remember the safe expression of jealousy is normal.
• School age children tend to adjust more easily because their world has expanded to include more attachments and activities outside the family. Avoid giving him unrealistic responsibilities, though, that are beyond his capabilities.
• Consider that your child is jealous of the time you are spending with the baby and try to have each parent plan special time alone with him.
• Divide care giving as evenly as possible between both parents. Avoid having Mom solely take care of baby while Dad/partner takes care of the older child. This also shows Dad/partner as a role model in baby care.
• Make feeding times special by encouraging your older child to snuggle or share special time.
• Breastfeeding moms may wonder what to do if their preschooler asks to nurse, too. Some moms suggest that allowing the older child to try to nurse and remaining matter of fact will usually cause the child to lose interest. Some prefer to offer their older child other drink options and reinforce the benefits of being more grown up.
• Be aware that as a parent it may be difficult to balance the relationships with your children. This can result in having some feelings of resentment and guilt. It can be helpful for parents to talk over these feelings with each other.